Running on Empty...Learning to Pray

This post is a journal entry I wrote at the end of April, when Pawpaw was back and forth in the hospital. I reread this entry at the beginning of camp this year (2011 "No Off-Season") and I was amazed at how relevant the ending was, and still is.  It's so easy to get caught up in the crazy events in life and neglect to spend time with the One who is in control of those events.  We have to be intentional about it if we are to maintain Christian Soldier Status.  Here is the ending of what I wrote...

Running on Empty    April 26, 2010:

"I'm sorry for not spending much time with you [God] this past week.  My spiritual gas tank feels close to empty if it's not already.  I just want to be able to talk to you and get refilled, but not get refilled and the wait till I'm all squeezed out again, but I want to be full all the time.  I know it doesn't seem like it all the time when facebook and friends get in the way.  [Just] like the song 'Everything to Me' by Avalon says, 'You're everything to me, more than a story, more than words on a page of history. You're the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for, and the ground beneath my feet," Iwant to come to the place where you are not just someone I converse with at certain times of the day at a set aside time.  Yes, I do need that, but I want you to permeate my entire being...where you encompass my entire being so that You and I are one. But not one where my will is equally seen as yours, but one as in where my will in unexistent and only yours remains."

It does encourage me that I am growing in this area. God has been showing me that prayer is not just a quick thing we do just to say we've talked to God, but it's one way we communicate with him.  It can be done through music, walking by yourself to class/workstudy, it can be done with a friend over the phone, you can circle up in the middle of downtown, your eyes can be open, they can be closed, you can be kneeling, flat on your face, or running on a treadmill, you can be alone or in a group. 1 Thess. 5:17 says to pray continually.  I know, sounds hard right? But it's not hard to tell your best friend all about your day and listen to theirs.  Why should talking to God be any different?  He wants you to tell him everything, and he wants to show you some things as well.

I by no means have it all together.  In fact, there are many times when I feel like I did last April.  But I am learning. And God is being patient with me as I struggle to learn.

Alleluia and It's Background

Hey so this is one of the songs I wrote the summer after my senior year of high school.  I give a little background first, so you know where it came from. 

Copyright 2011

Obedience=Freedom

This morning I read all the way through Psalm 119. Yes, it is very long-176 verses to be exact, but the whole passage mesmerized me.  I don't know if I've ever found a passage to be more intriguing. There are a couple verses that I want to highlight that really jumped out at me; though, I cannot begin to show exactly what I felt/feel about these words. 

Psalm 119 is the psalm where it mentions hiding God's Word in my so that I don't sin against God (v.11).  It is very important to know what our instruction manual, ie. Holy Bible, says so that we know how we are supposed to live and so that we don't get caught up in the subtle lies of the world we live in.  But memorizing scripture can be a hard thing to do, and, if I'm honest, anything with the word memorize does not sound like fun, and yet the psalmist asks, more like begs God to teach him His law so that he can hide it in his heart, meditate on it, rejoice in following it, delight in it and more. 

"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in you law(v.18)...My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times (v.20)...I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free (v.32)."

Such passion, such longing for just the Words of God and his commands.  Do I truly have that passion for the law of the LORD?  I desperately want it, but how?

"Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees;
   then I will keep them to the end.
Give me understanding, and I will keep your law
   and obey it with all my heart.
Direct me in the path of your commands,
   for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes    and not toward selfish gain.
Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
   preserve my life according to your word.^[a]
Fulfill your promise to your servant,
   so that you may be feared.
Take away the disgrace I dread,
   for your laws are good.
How I long for your precepts!
   Preserve my life in your righteousness."  (v. 33-40)

That's how.  It's a love that's God given. I can't find it on my own.  it's a daily strive. "This has been my practice: I obey your precepts" (v.56)

"to all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless (v. 96)" ...try wrapping your mind around that one.

or how about this: "if your law had not been my delight, i would have perished in my affliction (v. 92)...Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble (v.165).  A love for God's word can uphold you even in the darkest of times.  why? Because God's word, his law, his promises, and everything that proceeds from his mouth is firm. It's eternal. (v. 75-76, 89-91).

Here's one that really hits home..."though i constantly take my life in my hands [yep that's me, always wanting to have control] I will not forget your law...your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart." (v.109 &111)  even when i take over the reigns, God and his word still remains unchanged.  They are the source of my joy.

And then there's obedience.  For many, it's a word that brings dread.  But it shouldn't when it comes to obeying God.  I should WANT to obey Him. It should flow from my LOVE for Him.  "Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them (v. 129)...I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands (v.131)...I obey your statutes, for I love them greatly (v.167)."  This sounds a bit extreme...or does it?  With a deep desire for God and his words, like this psalm says over and over again,  it's only natural to want to follow, to WANT to OBEY.  

"But I thought there is freedom in Christ," you say, "isn't putting obey and freedom in the same sentence an oxymoron?"  No, I don't believe so. And the psalmist didn't think so either, for he said in verse 44-45, "I will always obey your law, for ever and ever. I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts." God's commands are not given to us to squash our fun.  Oh no.  They are given to us so that we can be able to live our lives to their fullest potential.  We can live a life completely free, free of regrets, free of guilt and shame, free of fear, and free of anything that can hold us back from the life God has to offer.  Freedom and obedience can truly go hand in hand.  Why would you or I want to live our lives any other way?  That's a choice we all have to make.   Is God worth it...I believe so.  God, help me follow you with complete and utter abandon...to obey You so I can truly be free.

That's all I have. thanks for bearing with me as I walked myself through this long passage.  I've got a lot to think about, and I hope you do as well. 

so much to say, but how to say it?

so i realize i haven't posted since my very first post. i'm going to try to get better at that. 

I've got a lot on my mind as I post from Orlando, Florida.  So far, this trip has been amazing.  We've gotten to have a lot of family time, which is so nice after being away from them for so long.  On Monday we spent the day a Aquatica and the next day at Discovery Cove.  DC was super cool. We got to snorkel with big fish and stingrays that were longer than me! and we all know that I'm not all that short.  Yesterday, Wednesday, we went to Islands of Advernture.  I love the roller coasters-- the dueling dragons/dragon challenge being my favorite, but hulk was very fun as well. =]  and today we took a chill day hanging out at the pools around the hotel.

one thing that's been crazy is that i've been thinking a lot about the things i learned at Camp Marietta, both in the staff training and the actual camp. I hope to tell more about it later but I'll share a few things in this post.  One thing is checking my angles.  Coach always said that when you walk into a room, at least one person will be looking at you....it's true.  Another thing I've been trying to do, ever since camp last year, is not to just walk through life without acknowledging the people I pass.  Sounds easy, I know, but it's actually pretty difficult.  It's so easy to get preoccupied with the things I need to do and completely ignore my surroundings.  But you'd be amazed at how powerful a single smile from a stanger can be.  I found that out after my Pawpaw went to be with the Lord.  It was a simple gesture that let me know that I wasn't alone and invisble in my pain...that someone cared enough to notice me. 

Another Coachism is "what have you done for Me lately?"  Following Christ is not just a one time thing that I can do once every now and then, but it's so much more. Jesus did everything for me; I need to give him all of me. 

One last lesson I'll share tonight is one that came from our camp theme this past summer-- NO OFF-SEASON.   Basically that meant that there is never a time when we are not following Christ with christian soldier status.  and we always need to be prepared to proclaim the message a Christ no matter what season we find ourselves in.  I can go so much deeper here, but for now I'll keep it short.  However, what stuck out to me is that though we may go through different seasons (stormy, warm. etc.), my God will never change.  He stays the same and will faithfully lead me through every one of them.

After I got home from our end of the summer staff hang out day, my sister and I found out that our 12 yr old cousin went to be with Jesus. She had been fighting a brain tumor and had been in a coma since April 24th.  In many ways, my life came to a stop. we were leaving to come to FL the next morning (that's where I am now), and I really didn't want to come. But since we would be gone, our house could be used for some of her parents family, so we came.  Though we've been having a great time down here, our hearts and prayers have been back at home with Kellie's family.  I still don't understand why her life was so short down here, but I do know that my God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  I also know God has a plan that I cannot even begin to understand.  He has promised in Isaiah 43 to walk through these tough times with me, and in Isaiah 41:13 he promises to take hold of my right hand and tells me not to fear because He WILL help me.  I may not understand what God's doing, but I'm willing to trust Him.  He's been faithful before, and He'll be faithful now.  May He get all the glory.