Lacey from Flyleaf's Testimony

This is a beautiful and powerful testimony from the lead singer of Flyleaf that I found on YouTube. God is so good.

My Throne: Who Sits There?

Oh great and mighty One

With one desire we come

That You would reign, that You would reign in us

We're offering up our lives

A living sacrifice

That You would reign, that You would reign in us

What would it look like if my ultimate desire was for Christ to sit on the throne of my life, all day, everyday? Yes, I wish this were the case, but so many times I find myself trying to control my own life. Talking about thrones reminds me of two memories of camp Marietta.  The first is from 2010 with the Audience of One theme (Colosians 3:23). Who sits in the "number one chair" of my life? Does Jesus sit there? Myself? Someone or something else? The second memory comes from a skit Becca's cabin did for youth week 2011. Basically the skit depicted our desire for God to sit on the throne of our life and make decisions, yet we so often "push" him off and regain control for ourselves.

We cry out
For your love to refine us cry out
For your love to define us cry out
For your mercy to keep us blameless until you return

For me, this is asking God to continue to teach us how to give Him control of our life...teaching us to be more like himself.  Refining is definitely not an easy process. In the case of gold, it involves putting the gold in the fire to remove the impurities. Our life is the same way. God uses the trials we go through in life to bring us closer to Himself, knock off "rough edges," and ultimately make us more like Himself.  After all, He is the one who defines our life. Our identity resides in Him (Eph 1). This  is so comforting to me because finding my identity has been a struggle for me in the past. But in Christ, my identity is SECURE.

So reign, please reign in us
Come purify our hearts we need your touch
Come cleanse us like a flood and send us out
So the world may know you reign, you reign in us

Christ reigns/rules my life. He is refining, defining, purifying, and cleansing me so that I can be a part of His Kingdom work. He equips  sends me out. He is too amazing to confine to myself. The whole world is desperate for Him too.

*These lyrics are only part of Starfield's "Reign in Us."

AwakeAlertAlive: Should Have Learned the First Time

So today I sat a wet coffee mug onto a pink sticky not as I left for class, and as you can see, the water caused the pink die to color my desk...wonderful. Now I have to scrub it off again. Oh did you catch that last word? Again.  Yes, this has happened once before. You would think that after the first time I would realize that if a stick note gets wet, it is going to bleed. 

As I'm looking at the pink part of my desk, I am reminded of how many other times I do that in my life.  Not with trivial things like sticky notes and water, but with bigger things such as lessons that God has tried to teach me.  Sometimes, I wish I paid more attention to the things He tries to show me, so that when I come across that same situation again, I am prepared. 

This reminds me of a coachism from Camp Marietta in 2010: "Open Eyes." If you don't have open your eyes you might miss out on an opportunity God has for you whether that is picking up an orange traffic cone that has fallen over, picking up trash lying on the ground, spending time with and showing attention to a camper, or noticing when a somebody needs a word of encouragement.  If I'm not paying attention and heading the lessons God has taught me in the past, I might overlook something He wants to show me. 

I must be AWAKE. I must be ALERT. I must be ALIVE. 

Or as Katie M. and I decided to say, "awakealertalive!"

Give Me Faith (this is my prayer)

Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship


I need you to soften my heart
to break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
to see that you're shaping my life


All I am
I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
that you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life
I need you to soften my heart
to break me apart
I need you to pierce through the dark
and cleanse every part of me

All I am
I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
that you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life


I may be weak
but Your spirit's strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will

Refreshment

So this is a continuation of my previous post.  I took some time to open up God's love letter to me, I couldn't believe what was contained in my reading (I'm trying to read through the Bible in a year, and I don't think it was a coincidence that I read the following passage today).  I decided to read it to you because I found it very helpful to read it aloud. It comes from Isaiah 40:6-31...

Why So Stressed?

Well, today I've been in a really weird mood. I rarely actually cry, but today my eyes would just tear up for no real reason (not actual tears, but it felt like they might start at any moment).  I am feeling so stressed right now between school, leading the youth band, Heather and now Mawmaw's fractured tibia, the Focus weekend coming this weekend, and other issues in my life.  Yes, that seems like a lot, but is that really why I'm stressed? I don't think so.

You see, here in the last few weeks, I've started to forget my first Love.  I want to get up in the morning to talk to Him, but I'm too tired.  I say I'll make time during the day, but I forget. I say I'll do it before bed, but then it's so late, and I'm too tired.  I mean I'll talk to Him on the way to class some or sing a song for Him or maybe read some here and there, but the real intimate fellowship with Him where I soak in who He is has not happened here recently. So why am I stressed?  To put it simply, it's because I am dry and have very little, if anything to give.  You can only go so long without continuing to refuel with God. You can try to do it on your own for a little while, but you will burn out very quickly.

I'm tired of this "back of the boat" status.  It's time to release my marble into the pond and run after Jesus again without looking back. So, I'm going to get off for now because my Love is calling me to spend time with Him. No more excuses. I desire and long for Him to pour into me.

This song is how I feel sometimes.

The Chasing Song by Andrew Petterson

Tonight at BSU....

Tonight we sang a song in BSU that really spoke to me. Partly because it's such an amazing reminder that we are not alone, and that we are able to stand because God is faithful; He is our strength.  The other reason is because I some of my friends, whom I love very much, are in the midst of one of life's storms, and though I can't physically be there for them, I know our God is. 

 

Always by Kristian Stanfill My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way 

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true                          
My God will come through always, always 

Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You            
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way 

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true                          
My God will come through always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord

Then, after worship, Jody discussed Ephesians 4:4-6.  In this scripture, Paul lays out the things that are essential for the Christian Faith.
1. one body.  This is the church. Not like a specific building you go to but the body of believers around the world.  It is not limited or bound by culture, race, language, etc. 
2. One Spirit. the seal or stamp of approval that says we are God's.  It cannot be forged, but neither can it be lost or taken away.  This is God living in us!!
3.One hope of our calling.  Hope is not used here as we tend to use hope (ie. I hope I got an A on that test).  But hope here means CONFIDENT ASSURANCE....our future is SECURE!!
When we are going through difficult circumstances that we cannot understand why things are happening this way, we must remember that we have an ENDURING HOPE within Christ!
4. One Lord.  This is our only means of salvation.  The Greek word for Lord is Kurios, which means compassionate/caring ruling master.  Isn't that a comfort?!?!
5. One Faith (also see Eph. 2:8-9)
Forsaking
All
I
Trust
Him
6. One Baptism. This is our identification with Jesus...claiming to follow Him.
7. One God and Father of all. He is our Father, a Father above all other fathers.  He is our ultimate protector and deliverer.  He is faithful. He can be trusted always. 

Thanks for letting me share a little of what we talked about tonight! I hope it encourages you as much as it encouraged me. 

Running on Empty...Learning to Pray

This post is a journal entry I wrote at the end of April, when Pawpaw was back and forth in the hospital. I reread this entry at the beginning of camp this year (2011 "No Off-Season") and I was amazed at how relevant the ending was, and still is.  It's so easy to get caught up in the crazy events in life and neglect to spend time with the One who is in control of those events.  We have to be intentional about it if we are to maintain Christian Soldier Status.  Here is the ending of what I wrote...

Running on Empty    April 26, 2010:

"I'm sorry for not spending much time with you [God] this past week.  My spiritual gas tank feels close to empty if it's not already.  I just want to be able to talk to you and get refilled, but not get refilled and the wait till I'm all squeezed out again, but I want to be full all the time.  I know it doesn't seem like it all the time when facebook and friends get in the way.  [Just] like the song 'Everything to Me' by Avalon says, 'You're everything to me, more than a story, more than words on a page of history. You're the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for, and the ground beneath my feet," Iwant to come to the place where you are not just someone I converse with at certain times of the day at a set aside time.  Yes, I do need that, but I want you to permeate my entire being...where you encompass my entire being so that You and I are one. But not one where my will is equally seen as yours, but one as in where my will in unexistent and only yours remains."

It does encourage me that I am growing in this area. God has been showing me that prayer is not just a quick thing we do just to say we've talked to God, but it's one way we communicate with him.  It can be done through music, walking by yourself to class/workstudy, it can be done with a friend over the phone, you can circle up in the middle of downtown, your eyes can be open, they can be closed, you can be kneeling, flat on your face, or running on a treadmill, you can be alone or in a group. 1 Thess. 5:17 says to pray continually.  I know, sounds hard right? But it's not hard to tell your best friend all about your day and listen to theirs.  Why should talking to God be any different?  He wants you to tell him everything, and he wants to show you some things as well.

I by no means have it all together.  In fact, there are many times when I feel like I did last April.  But I am learning. And God is being patient with me as I struggle to learn.

Alleluia and It's Background

Hey so this is one of the songs I wrote the summer after my senior year of high school.  I give a little background first, so you know where it came from. 

Copyright 2011

Obedience=Freedom

This morning I read all the way through Psalm 119. Yes, it is very long-176 verses to be exact, but the whole passage mesmerized me.  I don't know if I've ever found a passage to be more intriguing. There are a couple verses that I want to highlight that really jumped out at me; though, I cannot begin to show exactly what I felt/feel about these words. 

Psalm 119 is the psalm where it mentions hiding God's Word in my so that I don't sin against God (v.11).  It is very important to know what our instruction manual, ie. Holy Bible, says so that we know how we are supposed to live and so that we don't get caught up in the subtle lies of the world we live in.  But memorizing scripture can be a hard thing to do, and, if I'm honest, anything with the word memorize does not sound like fun, and yet the psalmist asks, more like begs God to teach him His law so that he can hide it in his heart, meditate on it, rejoice in following it, delight in it and more. 

"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in you law(v.18)...My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times (v.20)...I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free (v.32)."

Such passion, such longing for just the Words of God and his commands.  Do I truly have that passion for the law of the LORD?  I desperately want it, but how?

"Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees;
   then I will keep them to the end.
Give me understanding, and I will keep your law
   and obey it with all my heart.
Direct me in the path of your commands,
   for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes    and not toward selfish gain.
Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
   preserve my life according to your word.^[a]
Fulfill your promise to your servant,
   so that you may be feared.
Take away the disgrace I dread,
   for your laws are good.
How I long for your precepts!
   Preserve my life in your righteousness."  (v. 33-40)

That's how.  It's a love that's God given. I can't find it on my own.  it's a daily strive. "This has been my practice: I obey your precepts" (v.56)

"to all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless (v. 96)" ...try wrapping your mind around that one.

or how about this: "if your law had not been my delight, i would have perished in my affliction (v. 92)...Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble (v.165).  A love for God's word can uphold you even in the darkest of times.  why? Because God's word, his law, his promises, and everything that proceeds from his mouth is firm. It's eternal. (v. 75-76, 89-91).

Here's one that really hits home..."though i constantly take my life in my hands [yep that's me, always wanting to have control] I will not forget your law...your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart." (v.109 &111)  even when i take over the reigns, God and his word still remains unchanged.  They are the source of my joy.

And then there's obedience.  For many, it's a word that brings dread.  But it shouldn't when it comes to obeying God.  I should WANT to obey Him. It should flow from my LOVE for Him.  "Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them (v. 129)...I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands (v.131)...I obey your statutes, for I love them greatly (v.167)."  This sounds a bit extreme...or does it?  With a deep desire for God and his words, like this psalm says over and over again,  it's only natural to want to follow, to WANT to OBEY.  

"But I thought there is freedom in Christ," you say, "isn't putting obey and freedom in the same sentence an oxymoron?"  No, I don't believe so. And the psalmist didn't think so either, for he said in verse 44-45, "I will always obey your law, for ever and ever. I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts." God's commands are not given to us to squash our fun.  Oh no.  They are given to us so that we can be able to live our lives to their fullest potential.  We can live a life completely free, free of regrets, free of guilt and shame, free of fear, and free of anything that can hold us back from the life God has to offer.  Freedom and obedience can truly go hand in hand.  Why would you or I want to live our lives any other way?  That's a choice we all have to make.   Is God worth it...I believe so.  God, help me follow you with complete and utter abandon...to obey You so I can truly be free.

That's all I have. thanks for bearing with me as I walked myself through this long passage.  I've got a lot to think about, and I hope you do as well. 

so much to say, but how to say it?

so i realize i haven't posted since my very first post. i'm going to try to get better at that. 

I've got a lot on my mind as I post from Orlando, Florida.  So far, this trip has been amazing.  We've gotten to have a lot of family time, which is so nice after being away from them for so long.  On Monday we spent the day a Aquatica and the next day at Discovery Cove.  DC was super cool. We got to snorkel with big fish and stingrays that were longer than me! and we all know that I'm not all that short.  Yesterday, Wednesday, we went to Islands of Advernture.  I love the roller coasters-- the dueling dragons/dragon challenge being my favorite, but hulk was very fun as well. =]  and today we took a chill day hanging out at the pools around the hotel.

one thing that's been crazy is that i've been thinking a lot about the things i learned at Camp Marietta, both in the staff training and the actual camp. I hope to tell more about it later but I'll share a few things in this post.  One thing is checking my angles.  Coach always said that when you walk into a room, at least one person will be looking at you....it's true.  Another thing I've been trying to do, ever since camp last year, is not to just walk through life without acknowledging the people I pass.  Sounds easy, I know, but it's actually pretty difficult.  It's so easy to get preoccupied with the things I need to do and completely ignore my surroundings.  But you'd be amazed at how powerful a single smile from a stanger can be.  I found that out after my Pawpaw went to be with the Lord.  It was a simple gesture that let me know that I wasn't alone and invisble in my pain...that someone cared enough to notice me. 

Another Coachism is "what have you done for Me lately?"  Following Christ is not just a one time thing that I can do once every now and then, but it's so much more. Jesus did everything for me; I need to give him all of me. 

One last lesson I'll share tonight is one that came from our camp theme this past summer-- NO OFF-SEASON.   Basically that meant that there is never a time when we are not following Christ with christian soldier status.  and we always need to be prepared to proclaim the message a Christ no matter what season we find ourselves in.  I can go so much deeper here, but for now I'll keep it short.  However, what stuck out to me is that though we may go through different seasons (stormy, warm. etc.), my God will never change.  He stays the same and will faithfully lead me through every one of them.

After I got home from our end of the summer staff hang out day, my sister and I found out that our 12 yr old cousin went to be with Jesus. She had been fighting a brain tumor and had been in a coma since April 24th.  In many ways, my life came to a stop. we were leaving to come to FL the next morning (that's where I am now), and I really didn't want to come. But since we would be gone, our house could be used for some of her parents family, so we came.  Though we've been having a great time down here, our hearts and prayers have been back at home with Kellie's family.  I still don't understand why her life was so short down here, but I do know that my God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  I also know God has a plan that I cannot even begin to understand.  He has promised in Isaiah 43 to walk through these tough times with me, and in Isaiah 41:13 he promises to take hold of my right hand and tells me not to fear because He WILL help me.  I may not understand what God's doing, but I'm willing to trust Him.  He's been faithful before, and He'll be faithful now.  May He get all the glory.